By: Marwa Sabry
The first lesson my three year old daughter learned from her
swimming coach was: “There is no such
thing as ‘I can’t,’ say ‘yes, I can.’” Later, my daughter went to pre-school. A boy in her class was struggling with holding
his pencil. The boy muttered out of irritation, “I can’t!” The teacher then
reminded him that giving up is not the solution. She said, “Say yes, I can.”
The same message has recurred twice in front of my daughter. Now she repeats it
whenever she struggles with a new skill or concept. The confidence gained from knowing
she can do whatever she sets her mind to is a lesson that is to be implemented
for the rest of her life.
Learning determination is easy at a young age. Keeping it, however,
is a duty placed upon the parents’ shoulders. We all believe that Allah’s will
is above ours. However, Allah subhanahu wa taala taught us the value of
our actions. For one thing, they have
consequences. Our words, facial
expressions and actions towards our kids have great impact on the adults they
will become. They perceive the world through us. They also see themselves
through our eyes. If you tell your child that she is a failure, she will
disappoint you even further. Try communicating that you love her and that you
know she will grow to be successful; she will impress you even further. I
remember a quote from an educator that says, “Who said that you can make kids
do better by making them feel worse?”
Our kids sense our satisfaction level towards their achievement.
Although it is recommended to expect highly from our children, we should not
let our frustration dictate their pace. Allah subhanahu wa taala created
us all with special talents and skills. While one child may be slow and
patient, another may be hyper and energetic. Together, they balance the world
for all of us. We only try to make them meet in the middle so that they each
lead a well-balanced life.
Sometimes we have a way of thinking in which we do not want them to
repeat any of our mistakes. We are also not ready for them to make new ones. But
this parental attitude is not the way to go. Our kids will make mistakes; some
of them will be similar to our own and many will surprise us. It is the only
way for them to grow and mature. We only pray that none of their slip-ups will
be major.
A golden rule for raising happy successful children is to
substitute criticism with objective discussions. Focus on what is coming rather
than the past that none of us has the power to undo. Choose your words
carefully and remind yourself that you love the challenging character you are facing.
No matter what we would like for our kids, hardships and troubles are part of
life. We cannot shelter them forever, and we cannot solve their problems on
their behalf. What we can do is give them the confidence and the faith that
will enable them to fight virtuously. Next time you feel you are about to say
something destructive to your child, and you think you cannot stop yourself, just
smile and say, “yes, I can.” They say it
takes a village to raise one child. We are this village and the foundation
should be solid and positive for the outcome to be successful and happy.
